I don't think I have ever really made "resolutions" per say, but I like change and am always trying to find ways to make things better, easier, smoother and well to feel good about myself too. So if we must call them resolutions than here is my first one for 2013.
Let's see...first of all I have realized after 6 years of marriage that... marriage isn't easy! It doesn't matter how much you love each other, how well you get along or can work through issues or how similar your goals, hopes and dreams are, the relationship is still work. Years ago, before we got married, Jon asked me once, "which relationship is most important, the kids or our marriage?" Without missing a beat I said, "The kids!" Of course right? Well, he looked at me like I was a loony tune and I thought this was a no brainer. He continued on to explain that loving our children will never be as much work as loving each other. We unconditionally love our children and no matter what happens with them, we will continue to love them. However, the love between a husband and wife is conditional, and therefore must be worked at and worked on to remain strong. Without working on our marriage, the entire family threatens to fall apart, and that is why our relationship is the most important.
Turns out that I agree with him on this point and have noticed, much to my chagrin, that even though I love him an incredible amount, it is work. It isn't easy to love someone and get along with them ALL of the time. It IS easy to fall into routines where you slack in this relationship and forget to dedicate the time and attention necessary to keep it growing. I am totally guilty of this. I wake up and do everything to get the kids off to school, take care of the house, the meals, the errands, the evening and the chores and then Jon comes home and we rush around to do dinner and baths and some playtime together and then it is bedtime for the kids and we still haven't even had a real conversation. Then we are cleaning up the house to get ready for the next day and I am zonked and give the old, "I am headed to bed to read for a bit than go to sleep" while he watches some tv and I am in bed and asleep before he even gets to bed.
I will admit that even I didn't think it would be so hard. I am struggling at one of the easiest relationships I have ever had. I love Jon so much. I was so picky about a husband and partner that I chose one who is so much like me, communicates well with me, has similar goals and dreams as I do and the same basic moral character as I do YET I am struggling. What the heck???
So I am making a conscious decision to work on this with the start of the new year. First thing I am doing is posting a note on my side of the bathroom, as well as his, that says, "What did you do for your spouse today?" As in, I must do something out of the ordinary for him EVERYDAY and he must do the same for me and that is our reminder. Some folks might not need this kind of reminder but I do and I will let you know how it works. This isn't something to just write off. For example, "I made dinner" "I grabbed milk" or "I washed his laundry" will not work unless these are things you NEVER do for the other person. It is a decision to do something that is going out of your way or against the normal routine as a way to show your spouse that you want to do something for them.
We are planning once a month date nights or afternoons or whatever just to make sure we are setting aside time for our relationship. Turns out the relationship that needs the most attention is the one getting the least, so we need to work on it. I want to be married to him and only him and I have put him close to last on the list of importance for a bit too long so it is time. It is actually hard for me to admit this, but at the same time I think that alot of people have a similar situation and not talking about it makes it a hush hush topic and with that I disagree.
What did YOU do for your spouse today?
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