Callie noticed, on our deck out back, two birds hanging out together. These birds are Mourning Doves and they have been with us since we first moved into our home. They are like family to us now and always bring a smile to my face when they start to build their spring nest and honestly I get a smile on my face just seeing them together. Where there is one, you can always spot the other. We have seen at least three babies born to this couple and have watched them teach each and every one of their babies to fly from atop our backyard fence.
Today I told Callie that when Mourning Doves find their husband or wife, they stay with them until forever and she asked me, "Why Mommy?" Well, I don't have the answer to this or even know why it is true but it made me think that maybe some folks should take a hint from these Doves and work harder on their marriage. We know they aren't actually "married" per say, but once they find each other, they stay together.
Maybe they are very careful in choosing a mate. Maybe they talk about all the major decisions they will have to make as a couple BEFORE they pair up. Maybe they take it seriously when they have their first chick and realize that because of this baby, they are bound for life. Maybe they only have eyes for each other and they don't even check out the other Hot Mourning Doves flying by. I don't know why they "forsake all others" to stay together and work as a team, but they do. This is the norm for Mourning Doves.
It is not however, the norm for us humans and it is hard for me to remember that sometimes. I grew up with parents who were married and remain married as did my husband. In school growing up, it wasn't all too common to have very many friends whose parents were divorced. Now that is not the case. The "traditional" family...wait a minute, what is that these days? What we used to think of as the "traditional" family is now a rarity and NOT the norm at all. The things that are important in families these days go so far beyond the basics, it is crazy to even think about them.
I know that my children turn their noses up at some of the dinners that I make. I know that they get annoyed that we have consequences and that if Mom says something, Dad supports it and vice versa (why do they have to be such a team with the rules??) Taking a break from playing to have bath time and get your things ready for school the next day is ANNOYING. Working on homework TOGETHER just tests everyone's patience. Why do we have to talk about major decisions like pets or buying a family pass to somewhere or planning a family vacation over and over and over again before we can just do it?! Why do we have to help with yard work, clean the living room, brush our teeth and clear the table of our dishes??? How come when Daddy is working, Mommy is home and when Mommy is working, Daddy his home?
These are all things that we make conscious decisions about in order to support having a "traditional" family dynamic. I am not saying that other ways are wrong, in fact I remind you, we are NOT the norm. I know that for us though, being the norm isn't what is important, we want to be different if it means having a loving and stable family with rules and parents who are willing to work hard at their marriage. I want to be different if it means that when we have problems we don't give up or go outside of the marriage to try to solve them. I want to be different if it means that we don't always have family time together on the weekend because my kids are with Daddy while I am working and not another babysitter. I want to be different if it means I have a spouse who accepts my faults along with my great qualities too. I want to be different if it means that now that I have found my mate, and we have made children together and built a nest together, we both take it seriously enough to stay together forever and ever even when it is hard and we want to "fly the coup." I want to be different if it means that this is my partner for life and together we will have a solid family, we will work hard to keep it together and we will mourn each other when after 60 years together there is only one of us left on the porch swing watching the sunset.
I love our Mourning Doves and will never cease to be amazed and overjoyed when the two of them are in the tree together or on the fence together or sitting on the front steps of our porch...TOGETHER.
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