When I was growing up, we lived 4 hours from my extended family. We traveled to Michigan to visit my cousins and aunts and uncles as well as my grandparents, but it wasn't the same as most of my friends whose entire families lived in this area. When I was about 8 years old I wrote a letter to the Maw Maw and Paw Paw across the street explaining my "situation" asking them if they would be my adopted Grandparents. They said YES! They always invited my brother and I over for cookouts and Easter egg hunts and always gave us McDonald's gift certificates for Christmas.
Not too long ago I ran into Paw Paw at the local gas station and thought for sure he would never remember that scrawny little girl who lived across the street. He turned around, opened his arms and said, "Amy! Well, I'll be!" I was shocked and I was also grateful that I had been important enough in his life, that he remembered exactly who I was because I would NEVER forget him.
He was one of those neighborhood Grandpas who always had several packs of $.25 gum in his pocket, you know the ones, Juicy Fruit and Doublemint. Whenever he would be walking to his truck or out checking the mail and the kids were out playing, he would walk on over and give each kiddo a pack of gum. He must have had a bazillion dollars tied up in Wrigley's!
Fast forward to right now and my "Work Grandpa" who walks around with Bullseyes in his pocket, you know the caramels with creme in the middle? Well, I have been working there for 8 years and ever since I started, and I am sure for many years before, he walks through the halls and when he sees a buddy, he discretely hands you a Bullseye. There are people who don't like them at all, they still take them because the gesture is so kind, how could you not? He brings a smile to lots of folks just by having candy in his pocket for them.
At least one morning each week, we stop by Daddy's work on the way home from dropping Henry off at school. It's an auto parts store so it is FILLED to the brim with Grandpas. Callie loves to stop in to give Daddy a kiss and hug and of course all the Grandpas are always happy to see a kiddo in the place. Mr. Al always come up to her and does the old "pick a hand", she always seems to pick the wrong one but he gives her a quarter anyway. It makes her day and makes his day too. This is the "Grandpa" that she will remember when she gets older and has her own children. She LOVES him and is not only excited to see Daddy but to play Mr. Al's game and get her reward. He keeps a pocketful of quarters for each and EVERY kid he runs into on a daily basis.
Today, not only did he give her a quarter and one for Henry, who is at school, he told Callie a secret and handed her $15. He told her to take Mommy and Henry out for lunch today after kindergarten. I immediately gave the money to Jon and said, "can you get this back to Al? He did NOT have to do that." Jon says, "I can, but he won't take it." So Callie and I went on up to Mr. Al and gave him a hug and thanked him for lunch.
I know that this is one of the "Grandpas" they will remember, but we are so lucky to actually live close to one of our Grandpas, my Dad. Already they have inside jokes with him and already there are things that will always remind them of him for as long as they live. Poppy always makes sure to have watermelon gum for them. Poppy gets them Zebra cakes and Fudge Rounds every time he goes to the grocery store. I hear things come out of the kid's mouths that I know directly came from Poppy.
"Rapunzel, Rapunzel let down your long MOP!" or "You don't see that everyday" or "Cashews are NOW available." or "Did you hear the one about the watermelon? No? It's pitiful." I could fill a book!
When it comes down to it, Grandpas all have the same thing in mind. These kiddos bring smiles to their faces and they in turn want to bring smiles to their cute little faces. Being a Grandpa is so awesome that they want to be Grandpas to all kinds of happy kiddos in the neighborhood.
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Monday, January 28, 2013
Take a Lesson from the Mourning Doves
Callie noticed, on our deck out back, two birds hanging out together. These birds are Mourning Doves and they have been with us since we first moved into our home. They are like family to us now and always bring a smile to my face when they start to build their spring nest and honestly I get a smile on my face just seeing them together. Where there is one, you can always spot the other. We have seen at least three babies born to this couple and have watched them teach each and every one of their babies to fly from atop our backyard fence.
Today I told Callie that when Mourning Doves find their husband or wife, they stay with them until forever and she asked me, "Why Mommy?" Well, I don't have the answer to this or even know why it is true but it made me think that maybe some folks should take a hint from these Doves and work harder on their marriage. We know they aren't actually "married" per say, but once they find each other, they stay together.
Maybe they are very careful in choosing a mate. Maybe they talk about all the major decisions they will have to make as a couple BEFORE they pair up. Maybe they take it seriously when they have their first chick and realize that because of this baby, they are bound for life. Maybe they only have eyes for each other and they don't even check out the other Hot Mourning Doves flying by. I don't know why they "forsake all others" to stay together and work as a team, but they do. This is the norm for Mourning Doves.
It is not however, the norm for us humans and it is hard for me to remember that sometimes. I grew up with parents who were married and remain married as did my husband. In school growing up, it wasn't all too common to have very many friends whose parents were divorced. Now that is not the case. The "traditional" family...wait a minute, what is that these days? What we used to think of as the "traditional" family is now a rarity and NOT the norm at all. The things that are important in families these days go so far beyond the basics, it is crazy to even think about them.
I know that my children turn their noses up at some of the dinners that I make. I know that they get annoyed that we have consequences and that if Mom says something, Dad supports it and vice versa (why do they have to be such a team with the rules??) Taking a break from playing to have bath time and get your things ready for school the next day is ANNOYING. Working on homework TOGETHER just tests everyone's patience. Why do we have to talk about major decisions like pets or buying a family pass to somewhere or planning a family vacation over and over and over again before we can just do it?! Why do we have to help with yard work, clean the living room, brush our teeth and clear the table of our dishes??? How come when Daddy is working, Mommy is home and when Mommy is working, Daddy his home?
These are all things that we make conscious decisions about in order to support having a "traditional" family dynamic. I am not saying that other ways are wrong, in fact I remind you, we are NOT the norm. I know that for us though, being the norm isn't what is important, we want to be different if it means having a loving and stable family with rules and parents who are willing to work hard at their marriage. I want to be different if it means that when we have problems we don't give up or go outside of the marriage to try to solve them. I want to be different if it means that we don't always have family time together on the weekend because my kids are with Daddy while I am working and not another babysitter. I want to be different if it means I have a spouse who accepts my faults along with my great qualities too. I want to be different if it means that now that I have found my mate, and we have made children together and built a nest together, we both take it seriously enough to stay together forever and ever even when it is hard and we want to "fly the coup." I want to be different if it means that this is my partner for life and together we will have a solid family, we will work hard to keep it together and we will mourn each other when after 60 years together there is only one of us left on the porch swing watching the sunset.
I love our Mourning Doves and will never cease to be amazed and overjoyed when the two of them are in the tree together or on the fence together or sitting on the front steps of our porch...TOGETHER.
Today I told Callie that when Mourning Doves find their husband or wife, they stay with them until forever and she asked me, "Why Mommy?" Well, I don't have the answer to this or even know why it is true but it made me think that maybe some folks should take a hint from these Doves and work harder on their marriage. We know they aren't actually "married" per say, but once they find each other, they stay together.
Maybe they are very careful in choosing a mate. Maybe they talk about all the major decisions they will have to make as a couple BEFORE they pair up. Maybe they take it seriously when they have their first chick and realize that because of this baby, they are bound for life. Maybe they only have eyes for each other and they don't even check out the other Hot Mourning Doves flying by. I don't know why they "forsake all others" to stay together and work as a team, but they do. This is the norm for Mourning Doves.
It is not however, the norm for us humans and it is hard for me to remember that sometimes. I grew up with parents who were married and remain married as did my husband. In school growing up, it wasn't all too common to have very many friends whose parents were divorced. Now that is not the case. The "traditional" family...wait a minute, what is that these days? What we used to think of as the "traditional" family is now a rarity and NOT the norm at all. The things that are important in families these days go so far beyond the basics, it is crazy to even think about them.
I know that my children turn their noses up at some of the dinners that I make. I know that they get annoyed that we have consequences and that if Mom says something, Dad supports it and vice versa (why do they have to be such a team with the rules??) Taking a break from playing to have bath time and get your things ready for school the next day is ANNOYING. Working on homework TOGETHER just tests everyone's patience. Why do we have to talk about major decisions like pets or buying a family pass to somewhere or planning a family vacation over and over and over again before we can just do it?! Why do we have to help with yard work, clean the living room, brush our teeth and clear the table of our dishes??? How come when Daddy is working, Mommy is home and when Mommy is working, Daddy his home?
These are all things that we make conscious decisions about in order to support having a "traditional" family dynamic. I am not saying that other ways are wrong, in fact I remind you, we are NOT the norm. I know that for us though, being the norm isn't what is important, we want to be different if it means having a loving and stable family with rules and parents who are willing to work hard at their marriage. I want to be different if it means that when we have problems we don't give up or go outside of the marriage to try to solve them. I want to be different if it means that we don't always have family time together on the weekend because my kids are with Daddy while I am working and not another babysitter. I want to be different if it means I have a spouse who accepts my faults along with my great qualities too. I want to be different if it means that now that I have found my mate, and we have made children together and built a nest together, we both take it seriously enough to stay together forever and ever even when it is hard and we want to "fly the coup." I want to be different if it means that this is my partner for life and together we will have a solid family, we will work hard to keep it together and we will mourn each other when after 60 years together there is only one of us left on the porch swing watching the sunset.
I love our Mourning Doves and will never cease to be amazed and overjoyed when the two of them are in the tree together or on the fence together or sitting on the front steps of our porch...TOGETHER.
Saturday, January 12, 2013
The Weight of the World
As I looked at the picture of my son (it's a self portrait) and his bulging biceps carrying a rainbow I felt many emotions. See it made me think of a few important things. The first being that a rainbow weighs NOTHING. It is a reflection of light after a rain. It is something beautiful and rare that comes after a storm. It is the reward for the rough times. Here is Henry holding it high in the sky.
The second thing it made me think of is the phrase "Carrying the Weight of the World on Your Shoulders." This phrase is mostly thought of negatively and you hear it when people are going through alot of hell at one time. It is personal. It is heavy. It is ever present in a difficult time. Friends who are arguing, parents who have lost a child, people who cannot pay their bills or afford groceries, people with more things to do than time in the day, people who have lost a home or a job, these are the people who are carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders.
So then let's get deep for a minute, and if you don't wanna then quit reading now. This is your only warning.
What if after a storm, after a difficult day or year, after a major loss or struggle, a rainbow is God holding up a gift for you? See the rainbow NEVER weighs a thing so it isn't necessary to "lift" it up, but for those of you who catch sight of a rainbow every once in awhile maybe you should stop and think that it is a gift from God. God is holding it up for YOU, not because it weighs a bunch and he is trying to show off his muscles, but because the weight of the world seems to be on your shoulders and you are not seeing the rainbow that is your reward for weathering the storm. It is also a reminder that God is the one who carries the true weight of your world and a rainbow just reminds you that you are not alone.
Cheesy? Maybe so, but I have no idea, NO IDEA where this particular idea came from in my 5 year old son's mind. I know that he can draw a bunch of things. I know that he thinks his Daddy is the strongest guy in the world and he wants to be strong like him. I know that he could have drawn a variety of things on his chalkboard that day but this takes the cake. This drawing that came from his imagination was truly a gift from God for his Mother and I couldn't love it any more than I do.
Friday, January 4, 2013
In Memory of Joshua Alan Brown 6-27-1991 - 1-8-2011
Two years ago, Jon and I were chatting in the living room when the phone rang. It was Jimmy, one of his oldest buddies and he asked me, "Can I grab it?" Sure, do some catching up with Jimmy. Jon disappeared into the bedroom and after a long while I went to see what was up and came upon him with tears running down his cheeks. This is not something I ever see Jon do so I knew, I knew something was horribly wrong. On January 8, 2011 Joshua had been riding his motorcycle when he had an accident that took his life. Jon's close and dear friend had lost his child. Josh was just 19 years old.
Trying to imagine how they were feeling and what they were going through was impossible. Many nights Jon and I just cried thinking about the weight of it all. You can't help but try to put yourself in that situation, yet you will NEVER understand fully the depth of despair that it is to lose your own unless it happens to you. From then on, whenever Jimmy called, no matter what we were doing or where we were I told Jon, "you HAVE to answer it. He needs you." Most times, Jon would just listen. He would listen and cry with him or yell with him or curse the world with him and the two of them would just BE...together.
We were fortunate to be able to have Jimmy and Teresa as overnight guests some time after that and it was so great to be together. We talked about Joshua (who I had never had the pleasure of meeting), listened to his music (he was a rapper and had many demo songs), looked at photographs and relived those devastatingg moments with our friends as they retold the story of his last night on this earth before entering heaven.
To say that Jon and I "knew what we were doing" or "knew what to say" is grossly WRONG in this case. However, Jon and I consider the Brown family OUR extended family so we did what family is supposed to do, we hugged, laughed, cried and listened. We feel that keeping Joshua's memory alive is part of our job as family and friends so we continue to remember him always.
This year will mark his 2 year anniversary of arriving in heaven and rapping with the angels. Did you know that angels love rap music? This is the hardest time of the year for our friends, but they celebrate Joshua with a candle light vigil in their backyard garden which is planted in memory of Josh. They live in the Tampa area so we cannot be there for the celebration this year but as always we are sending our prayers, love and support to them and as always we will cherish the memories and keep Josh alive in our hearts by talking about him and letting the world know about one of the newest angels in heaven.
Amen Omen
Ben Harper and the Innocent Criminals
What started as a whisper
Slowly turned into a scream
Searching for an answer
Where the question is unseen
I don't know where you came from
And i don't know where you've gone
Old friends become old strangers
Between the darkness and the dawn
Amen Omen
Will i see your face again
Amen Omen
Can i find the place within
To live my life without you
I still hear you saying
All of life is a chance
And is sweetest
When at a glance
But i live a hundred
Lifetimes in one day
But i die a little
In every breath that i take
Amen Omen
Will i see your face again
Amen Omen
Can i find the place within
To live my life without you
I listen to a whisper
Slowly drift away
Silence is the loudest
Parting word you never say
I put your world
Into my veins
Now a voiceless sympathy
Is all that remains
Amen Omen
Will i see your face again
Amen Omen
Can i find the place within
To live my life without you
Slowly turned into a scream
Searching for an answer
Where the question is unseen
I don't know where you came from
And i don't know where you've gone
Old friends become old strangers
Between the darkness and the dawn
Amen Omen
Will i see your face again
Amen Omen
Can i find the place within
To live my life without you
I still hear you saying
All of life is a chance
And is sweetest
When at a glance
But i live a hundred
Lifetimes in one day
But i die a little
In every breath that i take
Amen Omen
Will i see your face again
Amen Omen
Can i find the place within
To live my life without you
I listen to a whisper
Slowly drift away
Silence is the loudest
Parting word you never say
I put your world
Into my veins
Now a voiceless sympathy
Is all that remains
Amen Omen
Will i see your face again
Amen Omen
Can i find the place within
To live my life without you
This song came on this morning and now I have listened to it a thousand times. It reminds me of Josh. It reminds me of the loss our dear friends have been dealing with for the last two years. It reminds me that life is short and we have to cherish all it's moments. Please read the lyrics again and look up the song and listen to it in memory of Joshua Alan Brown, who left this earth too soon. To the Brown family, we love you dearly and will celebrate Josh's life with you always.
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Get Rid of Those Boogies!
These are yet another product made by Moms for Moms, much like the Airborne product for the common cold symptoms. My Sis in Law introduced me to these and I almost couldn't love a product more! Boogie Wipes are a perfect alternative to regular tissues during cold and flu season and here are some reasons why:
Saline wipes not only give more moisture than a tissue, they keep the germy area clean without chafing your poor child's nose (or your nose.)
Convenient packaging that can be taken anywhere, shoved in any diaper bag, purse or even the car.
Helps break down the crusties without having to rub the nose raw.
Feels much better to wipe with one of these bad boys than a hundred tissues a day and again fights the germies too.
Where can you get em??
Walgreens, Walmart, Amazon, Drugstore.com
Order in bulk, order individually they aren't priced too high about $3 for a 30 pack and you can get them in packs of 3-30packs for around $10.
Find em. Buy em. Use em!
What Did You Do For Your Spouse Today?
I don't think I have ever really made "resolutions" per say, but I like change and am always trying to find ways to make things better, easier, smoother and well to feel good about myself too. So if we must call them resolutions than here is my first one for 2013.
Let's see...first of all I have realized after 6 years of marriage that... marriage isn't easy! It doesn't matter how much you love each other, how well you get along or can work through issues or how similar your goals, hopes and dreams are, the relationship is still work. Years ago, before we got married, Jon asked me once, "which relationship is most important, the kids or our marriage?" Without missing a beat I said, "The kids!" Of course right? Well, he looked at me like I was a loony tune and I thought this was a no brainer. He continued on to explain that loving our children will never be as much work as loving each other. We unconditionally love our children and no matter what happens with them, we will continue to love them. However, the love between a husband and wife is conditional, and therefore must be worked at and worked on to remain strong. Without working on our marriage, the entire family threatens to fall apart, and that is why our relationship is the most important.
Turns out that I agree with him on this point and have noticed, much to my chagrin, that even though I love him an incredible amount, it is work. It isn't easy to love someone and get along with them ALL of the time. It IS easy to fall into routines where you slack in this relationship and forget to dedicate the time and attention necessary to keep it growing. I am totally guilty of this. I wake up and do everything to get the kids off to school, take care of the house, the meals, the errands, the evening and the chores and then Jon comes home and we rush around to do dinner and baths and some playtime together and then it is bedtime for the kids and we still haven't even had a real conversation. Then we are cleaning up the house to get ready for the next day and I am zonked and give the old, "I am headed to bed to read for a bit than go to sleep" while he watches some tv and I am in bed and asleep before he even gets to bed.
I will admit that even I didn't think it would be so hard. I am struggling at one of the easiest relationships I have ever had. I love Jon so much. I was so picky about a husband and partner that I chose one who is so much like me, communicates well with me, has similar goals and dreams as I do and the same basic moral character as I do YET I am struggling. What the heck???
So I am making a conscious decision to work on this with the start of the new year. First thing I am doing is posting a note on my side of the bathroom, as well as his, that says, "What did you do for your spouse today?" As in, I must do something out of the ordinary for him EVERYDAY and he must do the same for me and that is our reminder. Some folks might not need this kind of reminder but I do and I will let you know how it works. This isn't something to just write off. For example, "I made dinner" "I grabbed milk" or "I washed his laundry" will not work unless these are things you NEVER do for the other person. It is a decision to do something that is going out of your way or against the normal routine as a way to show your spouse that you want to do something for them.
We are planning once a month date nights or afternoons or whatever just to make sure we are setting aside time for our relationship. Turns out the relationship that needs the most attention is the one getting the least, so we need to work on it. I want to be married to him and only him and I have put him close to last on the list of importance for a bit too long so it is time. It is actually hard for me to admit this, but at the same time I think that alot of people have a similar situation and not talking about it makes it a hush hush topic and with that I disagree.
What did YOU do for your spouse today?
Let's see...first of all I have realized after 6 years of marriage that... marriage isn't easy! It doesn't matter how much you love each other, how well you get along or can work through issues or how similar your goals, hopes and dreams are, the relationship is still work. Years ago, before we got married, Jon asked me once, "which relationship is most important, the kids or our marriage?" Without missing a beat I said, "The kids!" Of course right? Well, he looked at me like I was a loony tune and I thought this was a no brainer. He continued on to explain that loving our children will never be as much work as loving each other. We unconditionally love our children and no matter what happens with them, we will continue to love them. However, the love between a husband and wife is conditional, and therefore must be worked at and worked on to remain strong. Without working on our marriage, the entire family threatens to fall apart, and that is why our relationship is the most important.
Turns out that I agree with him on this point and have noticed, much to my chagrin, that even though I love him an incredible amount, it is work. It isn't easy to love someone and get along with them ALL of the time. It IS easy to fall into routines where you slack in this relationship and forget to dedicate the time and attention necessary to keep it growing. I am totally guilty of this. I wake up and do everything to get the kids off to school, take care of the house, the meals, the errands, the evening and the chores and then Jon comes home and we rush around to do dinner and baths and some playtime together and then it is bedtime for the kids and we still haven't even had a real conversation. Then we are cleaning up the house to get ready for the next day and I am zonked and give the old, "I am headed to bed to read for a bit than go to sleep" while he watches some tv and I am in bed and asleep before he even gets to bed.
I will admit that even I didn't think it would be so hard. I am struggling at one of the easiest relationships I have ever had. I love Jon so much. I was so picky about a husband and partner that I chose one who is so much like me, communicates well with me, has similar goals and dreams as I do and the same basic moral character as I do YET I am struggling. What the heck???
So I am making a conscious decision to work on this with the start of the new year. First thing I am doing is posting a note on my side of the bathroom, as well as his, that says, "What did you do for your spouse today?" As in, I must do something out of the ordinary for him EVERYDAY and he must do the same for me and that is our reminder. Some folks might not need this kind of reminder but I do and I will let you know how it works. This isn't something to just write off. For example, "I made dinner" "I grabbed milk" or "I washed his laundry" will not work unless these are things you NEVER do for the other person. It is a decision to do something that is going out of your way or against the normal routine as a way to show your spouse that you want to do something for them.
We are planning once a month date nights or afternoons or whatever just to make sure we are setting aside time for our relationship. Turns out the relationship that needs the most attention is the one getting the least, so we need to work on it. I want to be married to him and only him and I have put him close to last on the list of importance for a bit too long so it is time. It is actually hard for me to admit this, but at the same time I think that alot of people have a similar situation and not talking about it makes it a hush hush topic and with that I disagree.
What did YOU do for your spouse today?
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