Get Rid of Those Boogies!

Do you have kids? Do you hate snot? Do they have dried boogies for what seems like months out of the year?  BOOGIE WIPES!!

These are yet another product made by Moms for Moms, much like the Airborne product for the common cold symptoms.  My Sis in Law introduced me to these and I almost couldn't love a product more!  Boogie Wipes are a perfect alternative to regular tissues during cold and flu season and here are some reasons why:

Saline wipes not only give more moisture than a tissue, they keep the germy area clean without chafing your poor child's nose (or your nose.)
Convenient packaging that can be taken anywhere, shoved in any diaper bag, purse or even the car.
Helps break down the crusties without having to rub the nose raw.
Feels much better to wipe with one of these bad boys than a hundred tissues a day and again fights the germies too.

Where can you get em??
Walgreens, Walmart, Amazon, Drugstore.com
Order in bulk, order individually they aren't priced too high about $3 for a 30 pack and you can get them in packs of 3-30packs for around $10.
Find em. Buy em. Use em!

What Did You Do For Your Spouse Today?

I don't think I have ever really made "resolutions" per say, but I like change and am always trying to find ways to make things better, easier, smoother and well to feel good about myself too.  So if we must call them resolutions than here is my first one for 2013.

Let's see...first of all I have realized after 6 years of marriage that... marriage isn't easy!  It doesn't matter how much you love each other, how well you get along or can work through issues or how similar your goals, hopes and dreams are, the relationship is still work.  Years ago, before we got married, Jon asked me once, "which relationship is most important, the kids or our marriage?"  Without missing a beat I said, "The kids!" Of course right?  Well, he looked at me like I was a loony tune and I thought this was a no brainer.  He continued on to explain that loving our children will never be as much work as loving each other.  We unconditionally love our children and no matter what happens with them, we will continue to love them.  However, the love between a husband and wife is conditional, and therefore must be worked at and worked on to remain strong.  Without working on our marriage, the entire family threatens to fall apart, and that is why our relationship is the most important.

Turns out that I agree with him on this point and have noticed, much to my chagrin, that even though I love him an incredible amount, it is work.  It isn't easy to love someone and get along with them ALL of the time.  It IS easy to fall into routines where you slack in this relationship and forget to dedicate the time and attention necessary to keep it growing.  I am totally guilty of this.  I wake up and do everything to get the kids off to school, take care of the house, the meals, the errands, the evening and the chores and then Jon comes home and we rush around to do dinner and baths and some playtime together and then it is bedtime for the kids and we still haven't even had a real conversation.  Then we are cleaning up the house to get ready for the next day and I am zonked and give the old, "I am headed to bed to read for a bit than go to sleep" while he watches some tv and I am in bed and asleep before he even gets to bed. 

I will admit that even I didn't think it would be so hard.  I am struggling at one of the easiest relationships I have ever had.  I love Jon so much. I was so picky about a husband and partner that I chose one who is so much like me, communicates well with me, has similar goals and dreams as I do and the same basic moral character as I do YET I am struggling. What the heck???

So I am making a conscious decision to work on this with the start of the new year.  First thing I am doing is posting a note on my side of the bathroom, as well as his, that says, "What did you do for your spouse today?"  As in, I must do something out of the ordinary for him EVERYDAY and he must do the same for me and that is our reminder.  Some folks might not need this kind of reminder but I do and I will let you know how it works.  This isn't something to just write off.  For example, "I made dinner" "I grabbed milk" or "I washed his laundry" will not work unless these are things you NEVER do for the other person.  It is a decision to do something that is going out of your way or against the normal routine as a way to show your spouse that you want to do something for them.

We are planning once a month date nights or afternoons or whatever just to make sure we are setting aside time for our relationship.  Turns out the relationship that needs the most attention is the one getting the least, so we need to work on it.  I want to be married to him and only him and I have put him close to last on the list of importance for a bit too long so it is time.  It is actually hard for me to admit this, but at the same time I think that alot of people have a similar situation and not talking about it makes it a hush hush topic and with that I disagree.

What did YOU do for your spouse today?

It's our Anniversary!

Happy Anniversary to my husband Jonathan.  6 years ago we got married in front of God, Family, Friends and each other and looking back at the pictures brings back all of the wonderful memories of that day and those leading up to it.

I wasn't the kind of girl who had my wedding planned since I was a little girl.  I wasn't the girl who cared much about details, a poofy dress, a giant diamond and an expensive party.  I was the kind of girl who wanted to be picky and choosy and make sure that the decision I made, to spend my life with one and only one person, was done carefully and with no settling.  I chose wisely and the rest are just details.

I wanted to make sure I chose someone who would be a good partner.  A man who would be faithful to me and our family.  A man who I love, who provides for our family and who I have alot of laughs and fun with as well as someone who loves me for who I am now who he wants me to be.  Jon is an amazing husband and an incredible father to our children.

All that being said, was our wedding what I would have dreamed it to be?  Oh no, but I wouldn't change one thing about it!

Jon and I met a little over 10 years ago and started dating immediately.  A couple of months into dating we spent our first New Year's Eve together and to kick it off we decided to watch the sunrise with our dear friend Alex, who was in from California.  Riding on some back roads in Lexington, to find our spot to watch the sunrise together, we cam upon some railroad tracks that the boys insisted we RAMP over.  We did, and the boys laughed and I blacked out because from the stunt I ended up crushing one of my vertebrae and we got to ring in the new year in the hospital.  It was our first of many New Year's together.

In the spring of that year Jon moved away to SC and I stayed in Kentucky.  We broke up shortly before he left town and for 3 years didn't see each other or speak much.  Every New Year's Day he would call me and we would "catch up" and that was all of the communication we had with each other.  Until March of 2006, when I sent Jon a snotty email because I never did get my New Year's Day phone call.  The rest is history!  We started talking and by May were dating, by August he had moved back to Kentucky and by December we were married, on New Year's Eve.

Our wedding was not what I thought my wedding would be like, and like I said, I wouldn't change a thing.  Jon and I found out we were pregnant with Henry at the end of August that year and it changed nothing about us being together.  We planned a wedding for New Year's Eve, which we both felt was our fated wedding day, given our incredible past thus far.  We decided to have a small wedding and invite everyone who we felt absolutely must be there.  Our cakes were made by my Mother in Law and Sister in Law, Jon's cousins took all the photos and played the music for our ceremony.  We found a church, that we had been attending for a few months, that was run by a pastor who had studied under Uncle Tony at the Lexington Theological Seminary and so in his way, he was there celebrating with us.  My grandparents made it from Michigan.  Uncle Tony's second wife and widow was the minister who married us in the church.  We hosted a reception at our apartment clubhouse and had good friends be our caterers, my Dad was the DJ and we celebrated in style and had a blast.  Most importantly our son, Henry, was there with us in my belly and we all celebrated our blessings.

As I said, I wouldn't change anything.  I know that everything happens the way God plans it and I am grateful and blessed to have everything I have.  I adore my husband even though being married is alot of work.  I adore my children and could cry just looking at them sometimes, I am that blessed to have them in my life.  Our families have been so supportive and loving and each adores the one their child has chosen for a mate.
When we celebrate our 6 year anniversary today we are also celebrating so much more.  Of course, we are also celebrating the 10 year anniversary of knowing we were meant to be together and for that I am also very grateful.

Even though we don't live there anymore...that is my home

I grew up in a small house in a cruddy neighborhood with amazing, hardworking parents and a zillion wonderful memories.  The house I grew up in happened to be the first house my parent's bought.  This home allowed for all kinds of things we never had before...a woodworking studio, a laundry room, a carport, a big yard and a music studio.  This home is where all of our memories were made and where they remain.  When I dream of "home", I dream of the house I grew up in, the house I lived in for 17 years and a house that I wish was at the very least, still in the family (but maybe in a different area of town.)

My parents moved out of the house 11 years ago and from the moment they left I was PISSED that they forgot to take the address plaque that Dad had made with his very first router, in his very first wood shop, on his homemade work bench.  For at least the last 7 years I have driven by the old homestead and talked to them about how I was gonna sneak there in the night and steal that sign from the carport because it had that much of a meaning to me.  I even had my husband convinced that he should steal it FOR me!

This is the gift I gave my parents this year for Christmas...

The original sign from the house I grew up in!!  Their reactions were priceless..."OMG! You stole this??"
Yeah! I am 32 with 2 kids and I stole this! No I didn't!  I did NOT steal this sign but...

About a week ago I decided that this was the year I would get this sign.  I went to my Dad's workshop and picked through to find a decent piece of wood.  He didn't know what I was doing but of course asked me so I told him I was making an address plaque for our home to give to Jon this Christmas.  Oh that started all kinds of trouble..."Why do you need it to be that long?  Your address is TWO NUMBERS!"  But, he cut it the size I wanted and gave me a beautiful piece of wormy maple to use.

Together, Jon and I stained the wood, polyurethaned the wood and screwed in the numbers as well as the chain it would hang from.  My husband thought I was crazy but knew how much it meant to me, which is why he helped me out.  I took the beautiful brand new plaque and drove over to the old house.  I had decided that I was going to ask for it and all they could do was say NO right?  I knocked on the front door and waited.  A man came out the side door (we used the side door when we lived there too :) )  I offered my handshake and introduced myself and my "speech" went something like this,
"Hi, My name is Amy Durham and this is actually my childhood home.  My parents bought it when I was 7 and left when I was in my early 20's.  My brother actually planted that tree from an arbor day sapling 20 years ago (Vanna White gesture to the tree.)  The reason I am here is because, this home was our first home and the first place my Dad could have a wood shop.  His original workbench is the one that is still in the basement.  One of the first things he made was the address plaque for this house (another Vanna move here.)  I was hoping that this year I could give him that plaque for Christmas. (well timed pause here) So, I made a brand new one (showed him the plaque) and was hoping that we could trade them out?"
I had a good feeling at this point and then (toothless) Jeff says, "Well this is actually my parent's house and my Mom just had Cancer surgery, let me go in and ask my Dad."
OMG! Did I just push my way into this family's biz at one of the hardest times of their lives? I am such an A-Hole!

Jeff comes back outside, hops up on his parent's trunk of their car and says, "Shh don't tell him I am on the car" and reaches for the sign.  We exchange, he hangs the new one and doesn't even check to see it is straight (it is not).  We spoke for a few moments about the house and the tree and that he is hoping to put a new roof on for his parents (who are in their 70's) this spring.  I think back to when Dad and I put on the "new roof" which was when I was 9 years old...yup it's about time.  I shook his hand. I thanked him very much. I told him that although this was probably the weirdest thing that ever happened to him (I am sure it is not) that it made my entire holiday and I could never thank him enough...and went on my way.

BEST Christmas EVER!  Mom is going to hang it above the archway between the living room and the kitchen and it will stay there until FOREVER.  Thank you to kind strangers and kind hearts.

Angels in Disguise

For the past couple of days Callie has insisted on wearing a princess dress or wedding gown all day long.  This is a simple request as long as she has a coat on and appropriate footwear and such, so she has been a bride everywhere we have gone!
Yesterday I took the kids out to the Chinese restaurant for lunch bride and all and it was fantastic!  Of course everyone looks at the bride as she struts around the restaurant choosing what she wants from the buffet.  she smiled at everyone and loved the attention.  She had a skip in her step and was just so happy to be all dressed up.
We had a great lunch and as we were leaving an older couple stopped us to ask how old the kids were and tell Callie how pretty she looked in her veil (yup veil and all) and they told me that they had heard our lunch conversation and that I was a good mom.  We skipped out to the car with smiles on our faces.

So the conversation they overheard was actually a pretty serious one that we were having about sharing what we have with others and giving to those in need.  I told them that I know a man who has to work inside many different people's homes and sometimes when he sees how little these people have or notices their struggles and if they have children as well, he will go to the grocery store and load up on a couple of bags of groceries, go back and leave it on their doorstep and head home.  He doesn't want any thanks, he doesn't need recognition, he just wants to give them something that we take for granted, FOOD.  Necessities.  This man is my father and their Poppy.  We got into a very philosophical conversation about families in need and giving and how easy it is and how good it feels.

I felt blessed to share that with my children and I was also very proud for this couple to have overheard our discussion and felt the need to stop me and tell me so. 

Giving is always better than receiving.  Giving feels so good in your heart.  Being able to help someone is a million times better a reward than the newest shoes, clothes, toys and technology.  I have learned many lessons in my life and I know that I can do without when it comes to extras and I am always willing to do so if it means someone else can have necessities.  I am so happy that my Dad has been an Angel for people who don't even know who left these groceries on their doorstep and even prouder that my kid's Poppy is this Angel.

Teach your Children Well

Being a mother of a child who is of school age, you better believe I have an opinion or several opinions about how things are in this world.  I am deeply saddened and distraught about the children and teachers whose lives were taken just last week in the most recent school shooting.  I find so many things about it just confusing and difficult to imagine and deal with, but I don't blame guns.

I neither support or oppose guns.  I do not hunt and my husband does not hunt.  I do not own a gun and I have no intention of ever owning a gun.  I grew up with very non-violent parents who also felt no need for a gun in our home and I feel the same way.  I won't be displaying my proud dead animals on the wall or feeding my family by hunting and gathering.  In that same right, I do not oppose folks who hunt for a hobby, taxidermy their "trophies" or enjoy guns.  That is a personal preference and I do not judge.  In fact, I don't really mind either way and I enjoy the occasional venison meatball or two as well.

I do however find that the government is focusing on the WRONG problem in response to this latest school shooting.  This man could have shot the victims, bombed the school, set the whole place on fire or chosen another way to take these innocent lives and whether or not he had a gun played no part in this crime.  He would have figured out a way.  Call me crazy but what if, what if he had been taught, that when life was spiraling out of control and he felt he had nowhere to turn, he could walk into a church?

Government worked hard to separate church from state and honestly I think that is when things took a turn for the worse.  I don't think religion should be forced on anyone but there are alot of things I don't think should be forced on anyone; home ownership, vegetarianism and brussel sprouts to name a few.  Each person gets to make his or her own choices and I think that is important.  When saying the word "God" in the Pledge of Allegiance, for example, I don't think anyone is barking religion down your child's throat.  I think too many parents like to make a big deal about things that shouldn't be a big deal.  Henry learned how to say "God is great, God is good, Let us thank Him for our food. Amen" At his school during snack and lunchtime.  He came home saying it and I asked him where he had heard it.  He told me that they say it at school (Little Red School House) and he taught it to Callie and now we all say it at dinner time.  I was actually pleasantly surprised about it and couldn't be happier.  However, there are parents out there that would like to go make a big stink and scream and yell about someone forcing religion on their child etc....  How bout this?  How bout instead of teaching your child to be aggressive and negative about a situation like this, talk to them about it.  Teach them that this is not what you as a family believe and EXPLAIN why. 

The issue isn't guns or gun control.  Cracking down on those things wouldn't have changed the outcome of this situation.  The guns were obtained legally through the parameters set by our government and look what happened.  Mental illness may have played a part but you can't just ship mentally ill people out to the asylums anymore.  Government should work on health care and in particular making mental health care more accessible to people who need it.  The people who are mentally ill and "lose it" (for lack of a better term) aren't the ones who are compliant with their medications and therapies.  They are the ones who have to make a decision like this, "Should I get my medicine or pay my rent?" or this "Well I have to go to work to pay for this insurance so I am going to have to skip my therapy appointment and work this extra shift."  Getting an antibiotic for your infection is easy and most of the time affordable, how come getting medication to keep you from shooting up a school isn't as easy or affordable?  Why do we treat mentally ill people like it is unimportant to be tortured by their own mind?  Why does it have to cost so much to have someone to talk to that can help you come up with coping strategies and ways to deal with everyday life?

Hey Government!  Make these things affordable.  Make them accessible.  Stop spending all of your time, energy and OUR money on ridiculous issues that don't even begin to tackle the actual PROBLEM.  Take care of your people and make health care for mental illness more affordable and acceptable.  Gun laws and stiffer restrictions would not have stopped this tragedy and won't stop further tragedies from happening.  Look at what is important.

I do believe that God should play a more important role in people's lives BUT I also do not judge folks who have their reasons for not believing in Christianity or even a higher power.  One thing everyone can agree on is teaching tolerance, respect and the value of a community of involved people to raise our children, make safer our neighborhoods and support our schools and public institutions.  You don't have to believe in God to value and teach those things.

Where's my paycheck??

I am struggling this week MEGA BIG TIME!  Kid's behavior seems like they are practically ASKING Santa to bring them coal for Christmas.  House seems like there are piles of junk everywhere.  Walls need patching and painting and linoleum needs some work too.  The cars seem like they are just old and boring.  The decorations feel like they are cheap and cruddy.  Things are broken and I haven't bought a new pair of tennis shoes since I was pregnant with Henry (who is almost 6!!)

Life feels completely overwhelming. Now I will be honest with you, I have some anxiety issues and I am on medication.  It is so hard for me to admit because I have always viewed my struggles as a sign of weakness.  I have tried to get off this medicine multiple times for many years (I really feel sorry for some of my ex-boyfriends)  It took me a very long time to admit that I cannot deal with every day life without something to take the edge off.  Anxiety so quickly turns to depression or vice versa, they are linked closely and there is a very fine line.  I realized that keeping it to myself does no good for anyone.  I realized that I need to talk about these struggles not only to gain support BUT more importantly to let people know they are so not alone.

Hubby and I worked so hard to make sacrifices so I could stay at home full time and raise our children.  The piles of junk are there because I am busy with our children and our home.  The painting and patching needs to be done because we are doing alot of living in this house.  In fact, there is ALWAYS someone at home and I am grateful for that!  The cars ARE old and boring but they are paid for, get great gas mileage, insurance is cheap on them and that is one sacrifice we made so I could STAY AT HOME.  Some of the decorations ARE cheap but they are not cruddy, they are ours and the children ask about each and every one of them every year when we dig it all out.  Did half of it come from the dollar store? Probably more than half but they make our home festive and warm and they mean something because of what they have allowed us to do for our family.

We realize that choosing to be a stay at home parent this day and age is not the popular choice.  Many of us who make the choice do so because we love our children so intensely we can't imagine doing it any other way.  Many of us do it because we had a parent who was home most of the time with us.  Some of us realize that this job is so important we HAVE to figure out a way to be home more.  Jon and I felt like it would be near impossible to run the kind of home we wanted, to spend the time we wanted and to have the MOST positive influence and have incredible experiences with our children without one of us staying at home.  In fact, both of us are in complete awe of those who can both work AND manage the home, school, children etc...  complete AWE.

Last night we were chatting about it because I am totally on the verge of a breakdown (just being honest here) and Jon made some incredible points that I want to share with you and the whole freaking world!

1.  Stay at home parent used to be the ONLY way.  It is not so anymore.  It is actually a very serious and difficult "job choice" these days.

2.  The world was a safer place and there wasn't as much worry.  Kid's didn't have to even wear seat belts!  They weren't getting snatched from their own yards or lured away by strangers.  There weren't as many childhood diseases or worries about what they are eating, drinking or breathing for crying out loud.

3.  There wasn't as much technology.  Life was simpler PERIOD.  The TV came on Saturday morning for a half an hour and then was off the rest of the day or even the week.  There weren't computers and video games there was paper and pencils, puzzles and crayons, board games and chores.  Everyone had to contribute in order to run the home.

4.  This one really touched my heart.  Jon said, what you do for a living doesn't "define" you.  You are NOT this house just because that is what you are doing all the time.  You are not this home just because you are making this  place a home.  You can't forget who you are and you have to do things for yourself.  You are a woman with a sense of humor, a personality and gifts that go beyond this "job" and you need to nurture that.

This brought tears to my eyes. First of all because it was so sweet coming from him and it really hit the nail on the head.  Mostly because I don't know who I am anymore!  I don't even remember.  I asked him "Hell, who am I?" He said "I remember you.  The woman I fell in love with.  The woman I CHOSE to be my family and was honored to have children with.  The woman I still love that is just a little lost right now."

We all struggle ladies and gents.  This job doesn't receive that pay it deserves but WILL pay off.  The reason we are so stressed and upset and feel like failures is because... we give a shit!  We care that our kids follow rules, learn the most they can in school, ask questions, treat people with respect.  We care that they contribute to society, help others, give of themselves.  WE CARE and not everyone does.   Whether we stay home or work or whatever, the reason that parenting is so stressful is because WE take it seriously and WE just happen to be an elite group of folks.

I am going to continue to write, inspire and just make you laugh with my posts.  I need this for me (free therapy) and if I can help any of you other parents out there, struggling mothers or fathers, single parents, friends of people with kids WHOEVER, I want to.  YOU are not alone.  I am right here 3 steps away from the loony bin too!