Last night before bed I told my husband,
"I am going to start our day differently tomorrow. We are going to skip the slow morning watching a video and just chilling out and we are going to make a plan to play. I am going to make sure Callie has plenty of attention."
I said this because she and I have been struggling and I will try anything. ANYTHING. I thought, "maybe she doesn't feel she is getting enough attention from Mommy" Hard for me to see as possible since I feel that I give her all the attention I freaking have each day, but none the less, I am willing to try anything to figure this thing out.
Well, the day definitely started different alright. She was taking a 3 year old stand today. She wasn't going to put her clothes on, simply because I asked her to. She was running around being ticked off because her Barbie Styling Head had a knot in it and she couldn't be bothered. I was patient. I gave her a chance to do it herself or do it the hard way. Imagine what she chose.
So I sat on her while I put her clothes on and she kicked me and stuck her tongue out at me and whatever else she did to fight. I put her boots on and grabbed her coat and she fought the entire time. As I am grabbing my wallet she takes off her boots and throws them across the floor. I am more than done at this point so I told her,
"That is fine. You can go to Henry's school without shoes on."
She didn't believe me. Silly Girl. The whole drive in she is screaming at me to put her shoes back on and she will be good. She is screaming, crying and begging me and I just told her that I already put them on once and if she wanted to wear them she could put them on herself. Again, she didn't believe me.
As we are dropping Henry off at school and his sister is standing there in her socks, I am getting looks from all kinds of parents. Normally I would think these parents are totally judging my parenting skills, but today I started to look at these looks a completely different way. These other parents were looking at her bare feet, on a snowy day, and me and they were sympathizing. They have all had those kinds of days. The kinds of days where you have a kiddo that just doesn't want to cooperate, who wants to take a stand. They are all tired and don't have the patience for that crap either. They have been forced to follow through with a strong willed toddler.
That's right! My daughter is in socks on a snowy day. She decided to take a stand and I am not going to be worked over by a 3 year old. When she threw her boots off to "make me mad" it didn't make me mad. I was very clear that we were almost to school and if she wanted to wear boots inside, she would have to put them on herself, which she is capable of doing. She made the decision to keep them off. She went in barefoot and she was ticked about it. I heard about it all the way home and for the first 15 minutes after we got home. I didn't respond. I'd take her in in her underwear if she actually thought she was going to demand me to do things over and over for her on her terms. She is 3 and she is incapable of reasoning and making most decisions on her own. I am not letting a 3 year old have control over this house or me. These days are long and hard but I know that her strong will, will be amazing when she is a young adult out in the real world...if she lives that long :)
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Monday, February 25, 2013
Make a Mess!
I am self proclaimed, "Bad at Playing." I don't think I was always this way but now with two kids I feel I am terrible at playing. I can't sit down and relax and just play. I am constantly cleaning up WHILE playing or thinking of all the crap I have to do around here. I am just no good at it. As soon as I perceive the kids to be occupied, I am up and running and doing something else like laundry, dishes, putting things away etc...
I had this conversation with my husband last night, about how I just CAN'T enjoy playing. I want to. I wish I could. All I can think about when I sit down to play is, "if I play now and contribute to the mess, all of this work will just be waiting for me when I am done. Then it will be even worse than it is already!" My husband explained to me that when guys hang out, they hang out while doing something. They golf, work out, help in the yard or the house, work on cars and stuff like that. Social time for dudes is active time. Social time for women, in his male opinion, is spent chatting and forming relationships, so we don't have the patience for playing because we feel like we aren't doing anything significant and we are just wasting time.
Ok, so I don't let my husband know very often if he is spot on about us ladies or if he is so far off he can shut it. I do think that some of what he said is valid. In fact, he is actually very good at understanding my point of view most times. He could sit around and play and completely destroy the house and have no ill feelings about it. Of course he doesn't, because I will come behind and clean it all up right?! I don't say that in a mean way, but it is true and it is just how we are wired.
I am conscious of this, which I think is half the battle, so I am working on it. I am reminding myself everyday of the quality time I am so lucky to have with the kids, and that not everyone has this time. Also, this time is short and it won't be long before they don't want me hugging them in front of their friends and they don't think hanging out with Mom is fun at all! I don't want to look back and wish I had more time. Living day after day with them, it is easy to forget this and just feel the stress and overwhelming feelings that come with parenting and running a household. I literally have to remind myself every day to keep on top of it. I will keep on top of it too, because I find my relationship as their parent to be an important one and I am more than willing to put in the hard work it takes to foster our relationship. Gonna have my off days, but I love them and I take parenting them very seriously.
So this morning in an effort to be a better "player" I decided we were going to make donuts and we were going to make a mess! It was so much fun! We made the dough and I let the kids cut out all the donut holes, then I fried them and they covered them in cinnamon sugar and powdered sugar and there was sugar EVERYWHERE! It was all over the kitchen and all over us and we had a blast! Callie asked me what real food we were going to have to eat before we were allowed to have donuts...the donuts are the breakfast baby!
This may not be "playing" in it's traditional sense but it was out of character for me, relinquishing control and letting them just be messy kids isn't easy for this OCD Mama, and everyone got along and had a good time and filled our tummies with more donut holes than necessary all in the name of fun. I am working at this and I think that this is a pretty good first step in the right direction.
I had this conversation with my husband last night, about how I just CAN'T enjoy playing. I want to. I wish I could. All I can think about when I sit down to play is, "if I play now and contribute to the mess, all of this work will just be waiting for me when I am done. Then it will be even worse than it is already!" My husband explained to me that when guys hang out, they hang out while doing something. They golf, work out, help in the yard or the house, work on cars and stuff like that. Social time for dudes is active time. Social time for women, in his male opinion, is spent chatting and forming relationships, so we don't have the patience for playing because we feel like we aren't doing anything significant and we are just wasting time.
Ok, so I don't let my husband know very often if he is spot on about us ladies or if he is so far off he can shut it. I do think that some of what he said is valid. In fact, he is actually very good at understanding my point of view most times. He could sit around and play and completely destroy the house and have no ill feelings about it. Of course he doesn't, because I will come behind and clean it all up right?! I don't say that in a mean way, but it is true and it is just how we are wired.
I am conscious of this, which I think is half the battle, so I am working on it. I am reminding myself everyday of the quality time I am so lucky to have with the kids, and that not everyone has this time. Also, this time is short and it won't be long before they don't want me hugging them in front of their friends and they don't think hanging out with Mom is fun at all! I don't want to look back and wish I had more time. Living day after day with them, it is easy to forget this and just feel the stress and overwhelming feelings that come with parenting and running a household. I literally have to remind myself every day to keep on top of it. I will keep on top of it too, because I find my relationship as their parent to be an important one and I am more than willing to put in the hard work it takes to foster our relationship. Gonna have my off days, but I love them and I take parenting them very seriously.
So this morning in an effort to be a better "player" I decided we were going to make donuts and we were going to make a mess! It was so much fun! We made the dough and I let the kids cut out all the donut holes, then I fried them and they covered them in cinnamon sugar and powdered sugar and there was sugar EVERYWHERE! It was all over the kitchen and all over us and we had a blast! Callie asked me what real food we were going to have to eat before we were allowed to have donuts...the donuts are the breakfast baby!
This may not be "playing" in it's traditional sense but it was out of character for me, relinquishing control and letting them just be messy kids isn't easy for this OCD Mama, and everyone got along and had a good time and filled our tummies with more donut holes than necessary all in the name of fun. I am working at this and I think that this is a pretty good first step in the right direction.
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Money is Emotional
For those of you who don't know, my husband, Jon and I, have spent the last 3 years following the Dave Ramsey plan and paying off debt. IF you don't know this about me, then we must have not every spoken before, because this is a huge part of our lives.
Right now I am putting together stories and tips and an entire memoir of our journey over the past three years in paying of our 56k in debt. Re-living these moments and trying to put as much on paper as I can, to help anyone who is interested in reading, has been an emotional experience.
I remember the very beginning when I wanted to cry daily over the amount of bills that we had to pay each month. We had 10 debts alone and with living costs we were writing 15 check or so a month to pay all of them! Oh did I say "pay" all of them? I meant "stay current" so our credit wouldn't get dragged through the mud. We weren't getting ahead on anything and it got to a point where I couldn't even sit down to pay the bills without having a near nervous breakdown. Jon started doing it and I couldn't even discuss it with him because of how stressed and anxious it made me. I didn't even know what was getting paid or if it was getting paid!
Fast forward 3 years later and as we signed and sent our taxes out this year I have this weight lifted off of my shoulders. As soon as we get this money back from the government, we will write the final check to my student loan and be DEBT FREE (except our house, which we are selling)!!! Just thinking about this has me near tears. We have spent three years learning how to communicate about our money. Three years teaching our children how to manage money without borrowing. Three years of celebrations and set backs. Three years of checking off a huge list down to this one last debt to my college loan. Three years of feeling like things were happening fast just to hit a point where things got to a stand still. Three years of learning new ways to do everything and completely changing in our minds how we spend money. Three years of changes that will empower our children so they won't suffer the same debts and struggles that we did. Three years of feeling like "Yes we can do this!" and three years of feeling like "We are never going to get through this!." I cannot believe we are here. I cannot believe it!
Because we have paid off these debts and been diligent in doing so, making all kinds of sacrifices we couldn't imagine being able to make, so many great things have been awarded us. The best part is that WE are the reason we are able to do these things. For example, the debt may have been paid off a bit faster but I went PRN at work which means that we took about a 10k a year pay cut in our family. Never would have been able to do that, if we hadn't nixed all that debt in the first 2 years. We have only vehicles that are paid for and we paid for them all with cash, and we own three of them right now. We were able to purchase a camper, in cash. We were able to pay tuition to send Henry to Kindergarten. We were able to take vacations as a family that were minor but paid for in cash and have given us amazing memories. We are now able to put our home on the market and move to an area with better schools instead of being "stuck" here due to all of the money we owe.
This is why I am emotional. I want to cry tears of joy at how hard we have worked to change our future and our children's futures. I do NOT miss the debt. I do NOT want to cry because that step is over, but without the debt and the rock bottom, we never would have had this experience. We will NOT be those people who fall back into debt, because we have changed our old habits completely and changed our way of thinking. We appreciate necessity versus wants and we abide by them. We established new rules and new ways of communicating that we continue to heed, despite now being debt free. We are stronger than we have ever been. One of the most important lessons had to be that we have learned how to delay gratification while still getting everything we want and need.
Thanks to Dave Ramsey. Thanks to his show and his books. We spent 3 years being "weirdos" so we could get to this point where we can really start living and we couldn't have done it without The Total Money Makeover. We give him all the credit. Thank you to God for helping us get through some really tough times and helping us learn to communicate with each other to figure them out. This feeling is amazing. This crying amazing feeling is one I wish for anyone and everyone who feels trapped by debt. Get rid of it, be free of it and start living. Make your money work for you and realize it is not how much money you have. It is the time and your use of it, the quality of it, the time with your family that is most important.
I am in tears writing and sharing this. Amazing.
Right now I am putting together stories and tips and an entire memoir of our journey over the past three years in paying of our 56k in debt. Re-living these moments and trying to put as much on paper as I can, to help anyone who is interested in reading, has been an emotional experience.
I remember the very beginning when I wanted to cry daily over the amount of bills that we had to pay each month. We had 10 debts alone and with living costs we were writing 15 check or so a month to pay all of them! Oh did I say "pay" all of them? I meant "stay current" so our credit wouldn't get dragged through the mud. We weren't getting ahead on anything and it got to a point where I couldn't even sit down to pay the bills without having a near nervous breakdown. Jon started doing it and I couldn't even discuss it with him because of how stressed and anxious it made me. I didn't even know what was getting paid or if it was getting paid!
Fast forward 3 years later and as we signed and sent our taxes out this year I have this weight lifted off of my shoulders. As soon as we get this money back from the government, we will write the final check to my student loan and be DEBT FREE (except our house, which we are selling)!!! Just thinking about this has me near tears. We have spent three years learning how to communicate about our money. Three years teaching our children how to manage money without borrowing. Three years of celebrations and set backs. Three years of checking off a huge list down to this one last debt to my college loan. Three years of feeling like things were happening fast just to hit a point where things got to a stand still. Three years of learning new ways to do everything and completely changing in our minds how we spend money. Three years of changes that will empower our children so they won't suffer the same debts and struggles that we did. Three years of feeling like "Yes we can do this!" and three years of feeling like "We are never going to get through this!." I cannot believe we are here. I cannot believe it!
Because we have paid off these debts and been diligent in doing so, making all kinds of sacrifices we couldn't imagine being able to make, so many great things have been awarded us. The best part is that WE are the reason we are able to do these things. For example, the debt may have been paid off a bit faster but I went PRN at work which means that we took about a 10k a year pay cut in our family. Never would have been able to do that, if we hadn't nixed all that debt in the first 2 years. We have only vehicles that are paid for and we paid for them all with cash, and we own three of them right now. We were able to purchase a camper, in cash. We were able to pay tuition to send Henry to Kindergarten. We were able to take vacations as a family that were minor but paid for in cash and have given us amazing memories. We are now able to put our home on the market and move to an area with better schools instead of being "stuck" here due to all of the money we owe.
This is why I am emotional. I want to cry tears of joy at how hard we have worked to change our future and our children's futures. I do NOT miss the debt. I do NOT want to cry because that step is over, but without the debt and the rock bottom, we never would have had this experience. We will NOT be those people who fall back into debt, because we have changed our old habits completely and changed our way of thinking. We appreciate necessity versus wants and we abide by them. We established new rules and new ways of communicating that we continue to heed, despite now being debt free. We are stronger than we have ever been. One of the most important lessons had to be that we have learned how to delay gratification while still getting everything we want and need.
Thanks to Dave Ramsey. Thanks to his show and his books. We spent 3 years being "weirdos" so we could get to this point where we can really start living and we couldn't have done it without The Total Money Makeover. We give him all the credit. Thank you to God for helping us get through some really tough times and helping us learn to communicate with each other to figure them out. This feeling is amazing. This crying amazing feeling is one I wish for anyone and everyone who feels trapped by debt. Get rid of it, be free of it and start living. Make your money work for you and realize it is not how much money you have. It is the time and your use of it, the quality of it, the time with your family that is most important.
I am in tears writing and sharing this. Amazing.
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Always Magical
When I was a kid my favorite show was Sesame Street. I loved everything about it, the songs, the numbers and letters, learning to speak Spanish, it was the most fun hour of each of my days growing up. All that was really great but the treat of the entire hour was the Muppets! The beginning of the show always had a sequence with the puppets of Sesame Street interacting with some of the human actors and I was always in awe. I never felt like there was enough "Muppet Time" day after day, but I still tuned in to see what they would do.
The Muppets Take Manhattan was my all time favorite movie. Watching Kermit ride a bike and Miss Piggy on rollerskates just had me completely stumped with my jaw hanging down while I watched. The mice in the kitchen scene was one of my favorites. Oh and when Joan Rivers and Miss Piggy put on makeup in the department store, classic. I couldn't get enough of that movie.
I watched The Muppet Show and even though by the time I was seeing it, it was syndicated and in reruns I knew the theme song, I enjoyed the famous people that would come to be on the show and I even had the record, yes the record, to listen to the songs over and over again.
I watched Muppet Babies every weekend and when McDonald's gave out the Muppet Baby toys in the Happy Meal I was eating nuggets for weeks just to collect them all.
Fraggle Rock came from the Muppets creator, Jim Henson, and it brought just as much enjoyment and I was hooked on it as well.
Muppets Tonight was a short lived but fun version of a late show, with Kermit being the host.
There were several other movies like Muppets in Space and Muppet Treasure Island and the ever popular Muppet Christmas Carol among others. I couldn't get enough and I STILL CAN'T!!
We just borrowed The Muppets from the library and I realized that the magic is still there. These Muppets just make me smile. The people who were influenced by Jim Henson's Muppets come out of the woodwork to help and be in the films. The celebrities that want to work with The Muppets are so numerous, each movie is filled with them. The feats and fun things that they have these Muppets do, physically, are just amazing and I just love them. The emotions that you feel when it is just a puppet for God's sake! The movies and the shows and the appearances are always satisfying and never a let down. Kermit just brings a smile to everyone's face.
The other thing about Muppets is that everyone has their favorite. Some people, like me, have multiple favorites and favorite moments and that is what I will leave you with today.
Animal as a drummer chasing all the ladies is BOSS. Rowlf the dog was my family's favorite character.
Swedish Chef and his human hands?? need I say more? The love affair between Miss Piggy and Kermie. Fozzie Bear and his funny jokes and the crowd throwing tomatoes at him. The two old men, Statler and Waldorf who give us their commentary whether we want it or not. Gonzo the...what is Gonzo again? His best friend and love, Camilla. Big Bird on roller skates. Snuffelupagus! I could go on and on and on...
Rent a movie, rent the series, it will take you back in time and your children will enjoy it too. These movies still bring smiles to all ages and generations and I still love them just as much as I did when I was 2 years old and started watching them for the first time.
The Muppets Take Manhattan was my all time favorite movie. Watching Kermit ride a bike and Miss Piggy on rollerskates just had me completely stumped with my jaw hanging down while I watched. The mice in the kitchen scene was one of my favorites. Oh and when Joan Rivers and Miss Piggy put on makeup in the department store, classic. I couldn't get enough of that movie.
I watched The Muppet Show and even though by the time I was seeing it, it was syndicated and in reruns I knew the theme song, I enjoyed the famous people that would come to be on the show and I even had the record, yes the record, to listen to the songs over and over again.
I watched Muppet Babies every weekend and when McDonald's gave out the Muppet Baby toys in the Happy Meal I was eating nuggets for weeks just to collect them all.
Fraggle Rock came from the Muppets creator, Jim Henson, and it brought just as much enjoyment and I was hooked on it as well.
Muppets Tonight was a short lived but fun version of a late show, with Kermit being the host.
There were several other movies like Muppets in Space and Muppet Treasure Island and the ever popular Muppet Christmas Carol among others. I couldn't get enough and I STILL CAN'T!!
We just borrowed The Muppets from the library and I realized that the magic is still there. These Muppets just make me smile. The people who were influenced by Jim Henson's Muppets come out of the woodwork to help and be in the films. The celebrities that want to work with The Muppets are so numerous, each movie is filled with them. The feats and fun things that they have these Muppets do, physically, are just amazing and I just love them. The emotions that you feel when it is just a puppet for God's sake! The movies and the shows and the appearances are always satisfying and never a let down. Kermit just brings a smile to everyone's face.The other thing about Muppets is that everyone has their favorite. Some people, like me, have multiple favorites and favorite moments and that is what I will leave you with today.
Animal as a drummer chasing all the ladies is BOSS. Rowlf the dog was my family's favorite character.
Swedish Chef and his human hands?? need I say more? The love affair between Miss Piggy and Kermie. Fozzie Bear and his funny jokes and the crowd throwing tomatoes at him. The two old men, Statler and Waldorf who give us their commentary whether we want it or not. Gonzo the...what is Gonzo again? His best friend and love, Camilla. Big Bird on roller skates. Snuffelupagus! I could go on and on and on...
Rent a movie, rent the series, it will take you back in time and your children will enjoy it too. These movies still bring smiles to all ages and generations and I still love them just as much as I did when I was 2 years old and started watching them for the first time.
Friday, February 8, 2013
I Need a Raise $$$
I have always been good with kids and I have always enjoyed them so much. I feel that they are important and they should know, from an adult, that they matter to us. I have always been really patient with children and have known from a young age that I wanted to be a mother more than any other thing I have ever wanted to be.
When I had a classroom full of children, I loved them all as if they were my own. I made sure to make each and every one of them feel special and that I was happy to see them and spend each day with them. We played and learned alongside each other, making me even more anxious to have my own children someday. When I nannied for the Fox children I truly felt like they were mine. I was so grateful to their parents for sharing them with me. The love and the fun that we had together was amazing and honestly they were my very first "children." I still love them like they are mine and they just solidified that I was meant to be a mother.
I have been a mother now for almost 6 years and let me tell you, it is not all I dreamed it to be. I love these guys so very much and have never loved anyone or anything more BUT I have never been so frustrated with people in my life! I don't know what has happened to me. I have NO PATIENCE, while I used to be the one that was so very patient. I am so tired of everyone asking me to do something for them constantly all day long. Parenting is exhausting.
I used to pride myself in the fact that little Henry and I had places to go, outings to explore, parks to check out and projects to do day after day. I NEVER turned the tv on and he was getting so many experiences and it was a blast. I felt so lucky to be able to stay home with him and give him all of this and more. He spoke so quickly and learned so much, just from being with an adult all day long and I loved spending the days with him. I loved it so much that after a year and a half, I was ready to have us another little pal.
Along came Callie, a sweet baby girl, and I was so nervous that I wouldn't know what to do with a girl and that I wouldn't be able to figure it out, but I looked at her sweet face and fell in love. It was a learning curve for all of us. I had to juggle two children and Henry had to learn how to "wait" a completely foreign concept to him since he was the only child and first grandchild. The kid never had to wait for anything a day in his life. She was an easy as pie infant. Most of the time I was checking to see if she was still ALIVE because she was so quiet and easy going. She was a drastic change from colicky Henry who had a witching hour from 3pm until he went to bed each night for months. They were so different and it was so exciting.
Fast forward to a 5 1/2 almost 6 year old and a 3 1/2 almost 4 year old and I wonder where those adorable easy babies went! Each day brings new challenges and I feel like I belong in a nuthouse! There is this whole new dynamic that is sometimes amazing and sometimes just awful. Easy Callie turned into someone so difficult I wonder where I went wrong with her. Did I not let her cry it out enough? Did I not MAKE her cry enough? Am I a total pushover because I think she is so cute? I have asked my own parents, "What was I like as a child?" to see if I am being punished for my own rotten little girl attitude. This chick can't take no for an answer, she doesn't respond to regular discipline, she has an attitude that I can't figure out and she must do everything her own way with no help unless she DEMANDS it from you in her frustration. She is so particular about every little thing that I want to tear my hair out. When I put her in time out, she just gets on up and stomps in the room and sticks her tongue out at me! When Daddy puts her in time out, she stays there and cries. What in the world???
I have gone from a Mom that used to love outings and never turn on the tv to a Mom who is contemplating getting video games so I don't have to deal with their crap! They fight with each other and do things just to be mean to each other. The little boy who used to adore his sister and fell in love at first sight, now throws her toys down the stairs just to make her cry and calls her names and says "I won't be your best friend." The quiet sweet little girl has turned into a monster with an attitude. I have started to regret my decision to stay home with them. Something I have wanted and worked for all my life. I am thinking about selling our house and moving into a trailer somewhere just so I can afford day care for Little Miss!
I am out of patience and even the simplest of tasks feels like a huge weight on my shoulders. I work so hard and try so hard to give them the best and they appreciate NONE of it. I am still logical though, I know they are just kids and they don't understand the depth of my love for them or all of the sacrifices I make for them. I know they don't understand that not all kids have a Mommy that picks them up after school and makes their lunch. I know they don't understand that alot of families have a Mom and Dad who work long hours and not as much time to spend together as a family. They don't value a family meal or a meal PERIOD. They don't know that family time and family outings are special and we make them a priority. Every kid doesn't have a zoo pass or an aquarium pass. Every kid doesn't go to the library each week to get new books and movies and learn how the world works. Every kid doesn't have a sibling to play with all the time, an automatic best friend and buddy with which to spend their days.
The problem is that people don't share these parts of parenting. Parenting should be taken seriously and everyone should not be physically capable of even having babies. This is the hardest job and most/least rewarding at the same damn time! You don't get paid for the millions of hours you spend doing it. If there was a way to catch all of the tears you shed during your parenting years, each family could have an in-ground pool full of saltwater in their own back yard! The anguish we parents put ourselves through to make the best decisions for our babies is enough to give EVERY parent an anxiety problem, a heart problem AND breathing problems all in one. They make you feel like you have never lived before them and at the very same time like you want to die! You love and hate them in the same minute! The difficulty that you agree to adding to your lives by having children together is immeasurable.
Parenting is very rewarding and the fact that we were physically able to make a baby, the way our bodies are supposed to do it, that God gave us these babies is amazing. I am still in awe of the whole process, while at the same time wondering about early retirement. I don't hate them, although I hate their behavior sometimes. I love them and adore them and I appreciate that God made them cute just so we let them live. I am grateful and thank God for them and in the same breath I pray to God that I can get through each day as their loving guide in life.
Parenting. IF the people who chose to do the job and do it well were paid, many of us would be millionaires. Today I feel like I might even be a billionaire.
When I had a classroom full of children, I loved them all as if they were my own. I made sure to make each and every one of them feel special and that I was happy to see them and spend each day with them. We played and learned alongside each other, making me even more anxious to have my own children someday. When I nannied for the Fox children I truly felt like they were mine. I was so grateful to their parents for sharing them with me. The love and the fun that we had together was amazing and honestly they were my very first "children." I still love them like they are mine and they just solidified that I was meant to be a mother.
I have been a mother now for almost 6 years and let me tell you, it is not all I dreamed it to be. I love these guys so very much and have never loved anyone or anything more BUT I have never been so frustrated with people in my life! I don't know what has happened to me. I have NO PATIENCE, while I used to be the one that was so very patient. I am so tired of everyone asking me to do something for them constantly all day long. Parenting is exhausting.
I used to pride myself in the fact that little Henry and I had places to go, outings to explore, parks to check out and projects to do day after day. I NEVER turned the tv on and he was getting so many experiences and it was a blast. I felt so lucky to be able to stay home with him and give him all of this and more. He spoke so quickly and learned so much, just from being with an adult all day long and I loved spending the days with him. I loved it so much that after a year and a half, I was ready to have us another little pal.
Along came Callie, a sweet baby girl, and I was so nervous that I wouldn't know what to do with a girl and that I wouldn't be able to figure it out, but I looked at her sweet face and fell in love. It was a learning curve for all of us. I had to juggle two children and Henry had to learn how to "wait" a completely foreign concept to him since he was the only child and first grandchild. The kid never had to wait for anything a day in his life. She was an easy as pie infant. Most of the time I was checking to see if she was still ALIVE because she was so quiet and easy going. She was a drastic change from colicky Henry who had a witching hour from 3pm until he went to bed each night for months. They were so different and it was so exciting.
Fast forward to a 5 1/2 almost 6 year old and a 3 1/2 almost 4 year old and I wonder where those adorable easy babies went! Each day brings new challenges and I feel like I belong in a nuthouse! There is this whole new dynamic that is sometimes amazing and sometimes just awful. Easy Callie turned into someone so difficult I wonder where I went wrong with her. Did I not let her cry it out enough? Did I not MAKE her cry enough? Am I a total pushover because I think she is so cute? I have asked my own parents, "What was I like as a child?" to see if I am being punished for my own rotten little girl attitude. This chick can't take no for an answer, she doesn't respond to regular discipline, she has an attitude that I can't figure out and she must do everything her own way with no help unless she DEMANDS it from you in her frustration. She is so particular about every little thing that I want to tear my hair out. When I put her in time out, she just gets on up and stomps in the room and sticks her tongue out at me! When Daddy puts her in time out, she stays there and cries. What in the world???
I have gone from a Mom that used to love outings and never turn on the tv to a Mom who is contemplating getting video games so I don't have to deal with their crap! They fight with each other and do things just to be mean to each other. The little boy who used to adore his sister and fell in love at first sight, now throws her toys down the stairs just to make her cry and calls her names and says "I won't be your best friend." The quiet sweet little girl has turned into a monster with an attitude. I have started to regret my decision to stay home with them. Something I have wanted and worked for all my life. I am thinking about selling our house and moving into a trailer somewhere just so I can afford day care for Little Miss!
I am out of patience and even the simplest of tasks feels like a huge weight on my shoulders. I work so hard and try so hard to give them the best and they appreciate NONE of it. I am still logical though, I know they are just kids and they don't understand the depth of my love for them or all of the sacrifices I make for them. I know they don't understand that not all kids have a Mommy that picks them up after school and makes their lunch. I know they don't understand that alot of families have a Mom and Dad who work long hours and not as much time to spend together as a family. They don't value a family meal or a meal PERIOD. They don't know that family time and family outings are special and we make them a priority. Every kid doesn't have a zoo pass or an aquarium pass. Every kid doesn't go to the library each week to get new books and movies and learn how the world works. Every kid doesn't have a sibling to play with all the time, an automatic best friend and buddy with which to spend their days.
The problem is that people don't share these parts of parenting. Parenting should be taken seriously and everyone should not be physically capable of even having babies. This is the hardest job and most/least rewarding at the same damn time! You don't get paid for the millions of hours you spend doing it. If there was a way to catch all of the tears you shed during your parenting years, each family could have an in-ground pool full of saltwater in their own back yard! The anguish we parents put ourselves through to make the best decisions for our babies is enough to give EVERY parent an anxiety problem, a heart problem AND breathing problems all in one. They make you feel like you have never lived before them and at the very same time like you want to die! You love and hate them in the same minute! The difficulty that you agree to adding to your lives by having children together is immeasurable.
Parenting is very rewarding and the fact that we were physically able to make a baby, the way our bodies are supposed to do it, that God gave us these babies is amazing. I am still in awe of the whole process, while at the same time wondering about early retirement. I don't hate them, although I hate their behavior sometimes. I love them and adore them and I appreciate that God made them cute just so we let them live. I am grateful and thank God for them and in the same breath I pray to God that I can get through each day as their loving guide in life.
Parenting. IF the people who chose to do the job and do it well were paid, many of us would be millionaires. Today I feel like I might even be a billionaire.
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Cooking is for Chumps
Being a parent is a very thankless job...for at least the first 30 or so years. There are many things that we do and sacrifice to give our children everything we possibly can to make their lives better and easier. We sacrifice our clothing, walking around in sweats and underwear without elastic, so our children can have money for the book order at school or the hottest shoes. We sacrifice our personal hygiene, skipping a hair cut or color so our kids can have gas money or play the sport they love so much. We sacrifice all kinds of things, putting ourselves last or next to last most of the time. I admit that I was an unappreciative kid too, until I was actually old enough to recognize my parent's sacrifices for me. As a stay at home parent, I have to remind myself they aren't being ungrateful on purpose or to hurt my feelings. They DO appreciate what I do for them, they just don't know it yet!
Cooking. I used to LOVE cooking. I loved coming up with my own recipes. I loved cutting veggies and fresh spices and exploring new ways to cook things and use different appliances to my benefit. I didn't care how much the spices cost or how rare they were to find, I loved it all. Cooking for my husband and myself used to be so gratifying and I was proud of my work and he appreciated every meal. He STILL appreciates every meal, it is these darn kids that act like I am trying to feed them poison.
I make the regular stuff like spaghetti, pizza, tacos, baked chicken, stir fry etc... Sometimes they love these things and other times they look at it and scoff, "Ewww I hate that" even though they ate it last week and asked for seconds. I try new stuff too and try to integrate some new things with the old HOPING to find a new family favorite. No matter what I make, Callie walks to the table, looks at it and says, "I am NOT eating that. I don't like that!!" So the rule at our house is you at least have to take one bite. You are NOT allowed to say you don't like something based on looks alone, you take a bite and if you don't like it, you don't have to eat it. You don't get another choice though, this is dinner.
So Callie looks at it like it is dog food, even if it is steak, and I try to bribe her to take her one bite and she tries to refuse so I get it on the fork to feed it to her, and she still refuses. Eventually I tell her, "Open your mouth and close your eyes and you will get a big surprise!" She falls for it every time and I put the food in question into her mouth and most of the time she says, "yummy." I don't want to have this "fight" I am exhausted by dinner time and most of the time I don't feel like cooking anyway. I only do it because I have kids and you can't just skip feeding them. If I were to be living on my own or with another adult, I wouldn't make a thing. I would have a pop tart or a bowl of ice cream or a few beers for dinner!!
Cooking, which used to be something I looked forward to and had fun with is now the ultimate chore. I hardly enjoy it at all. Even the things I try to do specifically for them backfire in my face. I hate cooked carrots BUT in an effort to try to get them to eat those veggies I came up with a recipe to make honey glazed carrots with butter, honey and brown sugar, that might as well have been CANDY and they still didn't like it. I mean I used REAL butter people! Who doesn't like something with real butter?? Crack Heads!
So now every day I am searching and thinking and pissing and moaning cause I don't want to cook dinner. I don't want to make lunch. I don't want to be in the kitchen 14 hours a day like I feel I am. It is wake up and make breakfast, clean up, get people drinks or a snack about 12 seconds after breakfast is done and clean up again. Then I look at the clock and it is time to start on lunch! For crying out loud!! Make lunch, watch them pick at it and barely eat a thing then ask for a snack immediately after I clean up lunch. Sit down in the living room and, "I'm thirsty." Back to the kitchen. Then it is time to prep and make dinner, fight the kids to eat some damn food, remind them that I wouldn't feed them poison, or dog poop or dirt, clean up again and just when you think it is all over, "can we get a snack?" Uh yes, it is called dinner, ENJOY! Day after day of the same damn thing. No wonder cooking has gotten to be a chore. My husband appreciates every meal, like I said, he knows better than to complain cause then he will be cooking his own dang dinner every night! The kids will compliment certain meals such as ramen noodles, spaghetti o's or a pb and j with, "This is like a restaurant Mom!" Really? I make homemade chicken broth by boiling down the bones of an entire chicken and Ramen is like a restaurant??!!! Infuriating!
There is another rule at our house that goes something like this, "you don't have to eat, but you have to sit here with your family and talk about your day." Why? Because that is what we do here, we are a family. So I get to thinking, why is it that we do this and feel that we must do this because we are family? Well, now that is interesting. We do it because our parents did the same for us. They took on the chore of cooking, the fights, the whining and crying, the cleaning up, the 12 hour day in the kitchen and they told us that we will sit and eat and appreciate this meal...25 years from now when we are dealing with the same damn thing from our own ungrateful little brats!
Cooking. I used to LOVE cooking. I loved coming up with my own recipes. I loved cutting veggies and fresh spices and exploring new ways to cook things and use different appliances to my benefit. I didn't care how much the spices cost or how rare they were to find, I loved it all. Cooking for my husband and myself used to be so gratifying and I was proud of my work and he appreciated every meal. He STILL appreciates every meal, it is these darn kids that act like I am trying to feed them poison.
I make the regular stuff like spaghetti, pizza, tacos, baked chicken, stir fry etc... Sometimes they love these things and other times they look at it and scoff, "Ewww I hate that" even though they ate it last week and asked for seconds. I try new stuff too and try to integrate some new things with the old HOPING to find a new family favorite. No matter what I make, Callie walks to the table, looks at it and says, "I am NOT eating that. I don't like that!!" So the rule at our house is you at least have to take one bite. You are NOT allowed to say you don't like something based on looks alone, you take a bite and if you don't like it, you don't have to eat it. You don't get another choice though, this is dinner.
So Callie looks at it like it is dog food, even if it is steak, and I try to bribe her to take her one bite and she tries to refuse so I get it on the fork to feed it to her, and she still refuses. Eventually I tell her, "Open your mouth and close your eyes and you will get a big surprise!" She falls for it every time and I put the food in question into her mouth and most of the time she says, "yummy." I don't want to have this "fight" I am exhausted by dinner time and most of the time I don't feel like cooking anyway. I only do it because I have kids and you can't just skip feeding them. If I were to be living on my own or with another adult, I wouldn't make a thing. I would have a pop tart or a bowl of ice cream or a few beers for dinner!!
Cooking, which used to be something I looked forward to and had fun with is now the ultimate chore. I hardly enjoy it at all. Even the things I try to do specifically for them backfire in my face. I hate cooked carrots BUT in an effort to try to get them to eat those veggies I came up with a recipe to make honey glazed carrots with butter, honey and brown sugar, that might as well have been CANDY and they still didn't like it. I mean I used REAL butter people! Who doesn't like something with real butter?? Crack Heads!
So now every day I am searching and thinking and pissing and moaning cause I don't want to cook dinner. I don't want to make lunch. I don't want to be in the kitchen 14 hours a day like I feel I am. It is wake up and make breakfast, clean up, get people drinks or a snack about 12 seconds after breakfast is done and clean up again. Then I look at the clock and it is time to start on lunch! For crying out loud!! Make lunch, watch them pick at it and barely eat a thing then ask for a snack immediately after I clean up lunch. Sit down in the living room and, "I'm thirsty." Back to the kitchen. Then it is time to prep and make dinner, fight the kids to eat some damn food, remind them that I wouldn't feed them poison, or dog poop or dirt, clean up again and just when you think it is all over, "can we get a snack?" Uh yes, it is called dinner, ENJOY! Day after day of the same damn thing. No wonder cooking has gotten to be a chore. My husband appreciates every meal, like I said, he knows better than to complain cause then he will be cooking his own dang dinner every night! The kids will compliment certain meals such as ramen noodles, spaghetti o's or a pb and j with, "This is like a restaurant Mom!" Really? I make homemade chicken broth by boiling down the bones of an entire chicken and Ramen is like a restaurant??!!! Infuriating!
There is another rule at our house that goes something like this, "you don't have to eat, but you have to sit here with your family and talk about your day." Why? Because that is what we do here, we are a family. So I get to thinking, why is it that we do this and feel that we must do this because we are family? Well, now that is interesting. We do it because our parents did the same for us. They took on the chore of cooking, the fights, the whining and crying, the cleaning up, the 12 hour day in the kitchen and they told us that we will sit and eat and appreciate this meal...25 years from now when we are dealing with the same damn thing from our own ungrateful little brats!
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