Social Security: A Social Experiment

Here is an oldie but a goodie from my archives.  Original blog posted on January 03, 2007
This is being posted by request from a friend.

I have a new name.  I don't know if anyone understands how painstaking the process of getting a new name actually is. I am going to preview this for you in a little blog.

First of all, the actual day that you go to the social security office, make sure it is NOT the day after a holiday and make sure you are not "in mourning" over the death of a former US President (cause they are closed that day).  There will be about 300 people in a room that is full to capacity at 45.  There will be a shit ton of people applying for disability and they will even walk up to the window with a fake limp to convince you they need the "free money".

DO NOT try to pop in on your lunch break because you will be there for hours sitting next to Stinky Limpy and No Teeth Betty who hasn't showered in over a week.  There will be Dirty, Scummy, Smoky, Sweaty and a whole slew of other various Dwarfs from the Disney movie we all know and love.  You will want to cry when you see the 3 year old resting his open mouth on the chair in front of you and you will want to slap his mother for not paying attention while her kid just contracted God knows how many diseases from the back of this chair.

There will be NO INSTRUCTIONS posted anywhere that you can see and about 15 Japanese men on break from the Toyota plant taking up all the room. You will finally figure out how to get a number and when you eventually get called an hour or so later (right about the time you are totally ready for another shower) you get back to the window and they will ask you why you didn't fill out any paperwork/application to change your name or renew your card.  Umm...cause there are no signs indicating that I have to do so, that's why!!!!

The actual name changing portion is NOTHING compared to the social experiments going on in that lobby.  Takes a minute, just remember to bring EVERYTHING you have EVER been given as an identifying piece of paperwork AND to sign your new name, not the same old name you've been signing for 26 years, and everything will be fine.  Within 24 hours you will be recognized in the eyes of the government as a whole new person, despite the fact that your card will not be arriving for another 2 weeks.

Congrats to you for spending the day waiting for someone to jump out and scream enthusiastically, "Smile Your on Candid Camera!!" You did it!!