I remember when I took my pregnancy test with Henry and I almost screamed at the top of my lungs, "My body did what it was designed to do!!" You don't really know that your body is capable until you try having a baby and I was full of pride. When I heard his heartbeat I felt the exact same way. In fact, almost daily I would thank God that this amazing miracle was happening in my body and to me. Words can't even express how amazed I felt that I had been given this awesome gift from my Lord. When I saw Henry for the first time my mouth hung open so far I was catching flies. Feeling him move for the first time I thought, "even though I can't see you, I know that you are growing and changing just like you are supposed to...amazing."
When my contractions started, and my water broke and I barely made it to the hospital to have him every moment I was in total awe that my body was doing this, that my baby was coming, that together my husband and I created a life from tiny cells.
I was looking at my kids today as I was getting them out of the shower and I was thinking, "Never have I seen something more perfect." Callie's teeny, polka dot painted, chubby toes are perfection. Henry's innie/outie belly button is the cutest button I have EVER seen. Their fingers and tiny nails, their ears and lips, Callie's tubby baby belly and Henry's little muscles, I can't believe how perfect they are. I can't believe that so much can happen starting as two tiny cells. I can't believe that God loved me so much that he gave me the gift of giving them life.
Everyone doesn't feel this way of course. There are people who are crushed when they find out they are pregnant or get pregnant by tricking their partner. There are people who are selfish and never appreciate this gift, their bodies or their children. There are people who think that these "cells" aren't life or that until they are born they aren't "people." Anyone who has had a child. Anyone who has lost a child in the early stages of pregnancy, the late stages of pregnancy or after their child was born, knows this isn't true.
I heard Henry's heartbeat at 10 weeks. He was still as small as an olive but he was a person. Don't tell me he wasn't, I was there. From the moment I found out I was pregnant with both of my children, I fell in love and started planning, wondering who they would look like, what they would sound like when they cried, laughed and spoke for the first time. Losing a child after a few weeks or many years is never easy and there isn't a point where, "you weren't attached or hadn't met them."
I have friends who have lost babies after they were born. I have many friends who have miscarried and I even have a few friends who had to still birth their child. Go through labor while they were grieving when it was supposed to be the happiest moment of their lives. I also have friends who were lucky enough to spend years and years with their children before losing them. All of these people are so grateful for the gift no matter how long or short a time they were given. All of them have love, felt love and feel love for their child and from their child.
I have friends who have tried for months to conceive. I have friends who have tried for years to conceive. I have friends who have paid every cent of their savings, taken costly medications, given their spouse shots daily, had painful procedures and have prayed and cried and been excited for a moment only to be disappointed when they were not yet pregnant. I have friends who chose adoption to be their route to becoming parents and having children in their lives.
All of these people will stand tall and proud when telling you that a baby is a baby, a baby is life, well before he or she sees the light of day. If it weren't true why would they put themselves through this??? Physical pain, emotional highs and lows, feeling sick for 9 months straight, losing weight, gaining weight, bleeding and cramping and happy and sad tears? No one would choose this unless they too knew the miracle it is to be able to give life to not just something but someone.
I pray all year long that the people who want children can have them one way or another. I cry when my friends find out they are not pregnant...AGAIN. I pray for my friends that have spent all their money and have to "stop trying" until they save up for more treatments. I pray for my friends who have lost their children and know how amazing a gift they were given from the moment they knew they were pregnant. I pray for my friends who have adopted children and appreciate their children in a way many cannot understand. I pray for those adopted children who will grow up to ask questions about why they look different than their parents or question why their birth parents "didn't care or love them" and I pray for the moments that they realize that their parents wanted them so badly they went through everything they had to, just to hold them, kiss them and love them like no other.
I am praying for Melissa and Johnny. I am praying for Jimmy and Teresa. I am praying for Emily W., Amanda, Erika, Lisa Z., Julie and Tomi. I am praying for Emily and Jeff. I am praying for Lisa L. I am praying for Laura R. I am praying and sending love and respect for all of these friends and more that they know the gifts they have been given recently, were given once, will be given and were given for a short time.
I know I am lucky. I know it is amazing. I know the whole process is perfection. Thank you Lord.
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