I have noticed that children and mainly PARENTS of children, seem to give their kids a free pass when it comes to rules and behavior because, "they are only 2" or "they don't know any better" or even "I'm too tired to fight this battle."
While I admit that I fail sometimes in the parenting and setting a good example department, and that many times I am so exhausted that I don't want to make it a battle, I know and feel that the major way for children to learn is to be taught by their parents. It is my job to teach them how to be contributing members of society. It is my job to teach them respect and to value teamwork, common courtesy and kindness and it is my job to explain the Rules of Society to them as well as the consequences of their own actions. We as parents are molding them into the adult they will one day be, and it is not a job to be taken lightly.
For example, I always wanted to be a stay at home Mommy. I value education and parental involvement in your own child's education and I firmly believe they need the time at home, one on one at times, to begin building a basis for their education. I believe children need to experience life and the real world in a safe and fostering environment. I do NOT however, think this is the choice for everyone and I also do not judge those who choose not to stay home, or just don't want to be at home with the children all the time and feel they would be most productive for their family by working outside of the home. If staying at home was all sleeping in, eating bon bons and doing nothing all day, I am sure many more folks would jump on board!
Henry was and is such a well spoken little boy and has been since he was just over a year old. I get compliments all the time on his language and ability to have a conversation. I think it is just because he learned how to speak by watching me and talking with me one on one when he was a little guy. He wasn't learning from all of the other little ones running around the classroom and stuff like that.
Both of our children have a healthy love of books, which started at a young age. How do you get them to sit and flip through books and not chew on them, draw on them and rip them up? Well, the library has always been a weekly outing for the kids and they know the rules. They have left the library with NO books when their behavior isn't playing by the rules and likewise they have walked up to the librarian to request books from other libraries in town when the topic doesn't seem to be covered at our main branch. Why and How do they know these skills? Because I taught them, that's why. I took the time to explain the rules of the library. You must whisper when talking and not run around the library, people are doing work here and like it quiet when they are reading. Can't find a book you are looking for because it is at another branch? Write down the call number (with Mommy's help of course) and take it to one of the librarians asking politely, "Could you please request these books for me?" There were tougher lessons as well, lessons involving admitting to your favorite librarian, who happens to be a relative, why you ripped up a book when you were angry or why you drew in a book that you knew you shouldn't be drawing in. Lessons like counting out the money in YOUR bank and paying the librarian for the damage you did to said books. These lessons were learned quickly and never have been repeated, but taking responsibility and having consequences are two very big life lessons and I am just glad they could be experienced on a smaller level. To them, it was a very large scale lesson and is was also a lesson learned.
There are a ton of things that kids are too little or too young to handle, I can see and completely agree with that. What I don't agree with is lowering our expectations because we deem things to be too complicated for the kiddos. Another example of this with my own children is when they want to buy something at a store. We don't buy toys for no reason. Birthday, Christmas and an earned reward here and there, but we don't just go buy toys every day, even though we want to sometimes. If there is something they really want, we open up the piggy banks and count out the money. When we head to the store I have them carry their own money, choose their toy or stickers or whatever we came shopping for and then I let them pay. Would I trust them to walk around with 50bucks in their own pockets? Hell No! There is no reason why they can't carry THEIR $5 and pay for THEIR toy and then get THEIR bag as we leave the store. It gives them ownership, teaches them to value their own money and it makes them feel like they are super big kids too.
We may have expectations that are a little high for our children at times, but we also have children who are constantly getting complimented on their manners and behavior, so we must be doing something right. I am no "parent of the year" and I break down and scream like a banshee at times too. I make parenting mistakes daily I am sure, but I always have the best intentions and I have never worked as hard at any other job I have ever had...EVER.
It is hard to let go of some things and let them be "big people", from a parent's perspective. Henry is in first grade this year and started a whole new school. A school where I have to drop him off and he has to walk in...BY HIMSELF!! I dreaded it and was like, "How in the heck am I gonna be able to watch him do that??!!" Of course, after a little more than a week, he is just fine and even though it was hard for me to let go, he is JUST FINE. I pack his lunch everyday because he is nervous about the lunch line. It is foreign so he would rather just eat what Mom packs, but the day is coming when he will want to take some money and try it out, and I have to let him do it. I have realized in these situations that I am just as scared as he is, but I can't let him KNOW that. I have to put on a brave face because he needs to know that I have prepared him for this, he needs to be confident in his abilities, and he needs to know that I support his efforts and decisions.
Talk about a nearly impossible task for a Mom!! I want to protect him from every humiliation, every mistake, every struggle. I can cry right now just thinking about someone making fun of my boy, or calling him names and making him feel inferior. I am terrified of the first time someone talks him into something that his head and stomach say no to and I am scared that his peers will influence him more than we have and he will make bad decisions.
These things can and will happen and all I can do is hope I have prepared him, taught him and raised him well. I am so relieved that this is on a small scale right now, but it starts here and it starts now and I find no reason to lower my expectations of what an incredible, smart, responsible and amazing person each of my children can learn to be.
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